I'm normally not one for resolutions. Too often people put off self-improvement until they have some artificial "starting point" they can use as a milestone, and then quickly forget what it was that they were trying to do, and just put it off until the next artificial milestone. I'm no exception. Still, I make them, mostly at the prompting of others; generic stuff, like "work out more" or "cut back on fast food" or "communicate with humans more often".
Still, I've done a lot of thinking about where I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going in the last year. I've had a lot of false starts, beginnings of things that went no where, and goals I had at the start of the year that got pushed aside when life got in the way. The fact is that I'm NOT happy with where I am now. I've spoken before of feeling like I'm treading water, just sort of drifting through my life without making any (to me) noticeable change, and it's exhausting to the point that making any effort TO change seems almost insurmountable.
Still, I'd like to make the effort. Not just for me, but for you guys. I do what I do - ya know, the whole "art" and "comic" nonsense - because I like sharing it with others and feeling like I made someone else's day just a little nicer. It's a promise I made when I first started posting art online over 10 years ago, and one I renewed when I started BPD in 2009. And it's a promise I feel like I've been breaking recently.
So in short, for full transparency (and so maybe you guys can maybe help me out with these), here's my list of Things-I-Want-To-Change-Or-Improve-Or-Do-Differently-That-Aren't-Necessary-Resolutions 2016 Resolutions:
- I need to fix my brain. I've had problems with depression and anxiety for YEARS now that have only gotten worse with time, to the point where it's affected just about everything in my life. It's a matter I've done everything I could to not bring up publically, because I don't want to open myself up to either ridicule or pity. But given how it's affected so much of not just my personal life, but my professional artistic life as well, I feel you SHOULD know, if only to explain "where the heck the art/comic is". And now that I have health insurance than can cover seeing a professional, I intend to do just that.
- Once item #1 is addressed, I intend to post online more often. I have a YouTube Channel, LizardbethArt, where I would like to post videos on a regular schedule. I'd like to do the same here, and for my Patreon. I'd like to get back into comics too, either with BPD (if there's even an audience left for it) or for something else entirely. I can't expect any of you to support me if I don't make good on the expectations of that support, so hopefully once I can clear my head of this depression fog I can actually give you the content you guys all deserve.
- I need, NEED to get healthy. I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life, gaining steadily, and I just don't like what I see in the mirror every day. I feel tired and lethargic all the time as well, so it's not just a vanity issue. I've never been any good at keeping up with a work-out routine, and apart from completely cutting out soda and almost all high fructose corn syrup, my eating habits are pretty terrible. Something needs to change; I just need to find where to start. Advice on this one, if you have it, would be appreciated.
- on a semi-related note, I want to start taking a little more pride in my appearance. I've always consciously seen caring about how I look to be half unnecessarily vain, and half a waste of time because I will always be unsatisfied. Still, I feel that maybe getting a nice haircut or maybe putting a little effort into some simple make-up, just so I don't absolutely hate my reflection in the mirror, isn't a total waste. I doubt I'll turn into an appearance-obsessed Barbie doll, but I think I'm done with the "slob" look.
- I want to make progress towards my Tiny House. The finances are the BIGGEST hurdle for me right now. To even begin the process, I need the trailer base itself, which would easily set me back $6k+, plus professional plans which could cost a few hundred dollars more or less depending on where they come from. There's other concerns as well - will I be able to build it here? Will I have access to the right tools? Will neighbors complain? If I'm able to start building this year, will I have enough finances to get it at least enclosed and weatherproof by next winter? I don't have to be DONE this year; but I do want noticeable, tangible progress. For those that might want to assist with this (no obligation & no pressure of course), I have a GoFundMe page set up for taking donations here: https://www.gofundme.com/InfinityTinyHouse
- I need to up my "Me Time" game. And by that I mean, I need to find a better way to spend my solo time than "play Skyrim for 3 hours because I can't be bothered to Human right now". I need to get out and do more fun stuff. I need to allow myself some guilt-free time to work on art & creative projects that can't/won't make me money. SOMETHING. This may be easier to find motivation for once #1 is fixed, but it's something even then I think I'll have trouble with. I'm so used to the mindset of "I have A Thing I need to do because if I don't someone will be pissed off at me", which is why my default "me" activity usually revolve around shutting down completely and dissolving into a videogame or mindless web surfing. Joyful, free creativity is a learned skill, and one I'm sorely out of practice with.
I think that about covers it. 2016 has just as much potential to be amazing as 2015 did, but only if I can find the will and the means to make it so. Otherwise, I'll find myself in this same place a year from now, making the same promises as I am now, because somewhere along the way I lost track of what I needed to do. This is going to take work on my part, I know. I just hope I'm up to the task.
To all of you, with your own hopes and goals, I wish you all the best in 2016 and beyond.